PM rocked by jammy dodger dodginess

Scandal hit Prime Minister Helen Clark has been rocked by the news of unchecked theft within her departmental offices. Police last night confirmed that they are investigating the theft of a number of plain and chocolate biscuits from ministerial catering facilities at the Beehive. A cleaning operative is believed to have helped herself to the biscuits while tidying the departmental kitchen.

Act leader Rodney Hide said he had spoken to staff within the department who had told him that not only had plain biscuits been stolen, but also Tim Tams and jammy dodgers. Mr Hide said that he had been told that biscuits were left in unlocked cupboards and that staff regularly helped themselves to not only biscuits, but also to unauthorised cups of coffee and tea. Helen Clark's spokeswoman said that they were aware of some misuse of catering supplies, and that guidelines had been re-issued on staff refreshments. The spokeswoman said the theft was investigated but an outcome had yet to be decided.

Mr Hide said an answer from Helen Clark to a parliamentary question only gave part of the story, not mentioning that luxury biscuits such as Tim Tams had been involved in the theft and misleading the house that only plain biscuits had been misappropriated. He called on the Prime Minister to accept responsibility for this shameful neglect of public property and resign.

A government spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity, said: "I don't know about biscuits, but I'd like to see a stock-check on the doughnut supplies at the Business Roundtable after Rodney's paid them a visit."